There is a public swimming pool within a five minutes' drive from my house. The fee is only 400 yen for as long as you want to stay, the parking is free, and the pool is open as late as 8 o'clock in the evening. A very handy and inexpensive place to solve your lack of exercise. On weekdays, there is a children's swimming class there, and watching those small kids splashing water and shrieking or laughing helps relax your mind too. soa natural?

Ver resultados da sondagem

Respostas

purewater

13 mar 2015

Inglês (EUA)

Artificial

There is a public swimming pool within five minutes' drive from my house. (remove "a" as it's unnecessary)

The fee is only 400 yen and you may stay for as long as you wish!
(for as long as you want to stay),

(Remove "the") Parking is free, and the pool is opened till as late as 8pm (remove o'clock in the evening as it's understood from pm)

A very handy and inexpensive place to solve your lack of exercise. (Sounds a bit unnatural to me, how about saying "Great place and value for money! Meet your fitness needs!")

On weekdays, there is a children's swimming class there, and watching those small kids splashing water and shrieking (remove this word, shrieking sounds more like being in pain or frightened)

or laughing helps relax your mind too. (Or you can also simply say "watch the children have fun (or play in the pool) and relax your minds!")

Very nice try on your part!! :)

kiriman

13 mar 2015

Japonês

Thank you so much for the kind comment!
Here is the revised version.
"There is a public swimming pool within five minutes' drive from my house. The fee is only 400 yen and you may stay as long as you wish. Parking is free, and the pool is opened till 8pm. A great place and value for money. It just meets your fitness needs! On weekdays, there is a children's swimming class there. Watching those small kids laughing and splashing water relaxes your mind too."
Does this sound better?

purewater

13 mar 2015

Inglês (EUA)

Artificial

Yes, better :) but I have amended it slightly. You can use this:

"There is a public swimming pool within five minutes' drive from my house. The fee is only 400 yen and you may stay for as long as you wish. Parking is free, and the pool is opened till 8pm. A great place to meet your fitness needs and value for money too.
On weekdays, there is also a children's swimming class. Hearing the kids' laughter and watching them having fun relaxes your mind too."

kiriman

13 mar 2015

Japonês

Wonderful!
Your final version sounds much much better.
Especially I liked the part
'A great place to meet your fitness needs and value for money too.'
ありがとうございます！
I hope I can write this well myself someday.
頑張ります。