Question
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Deleted user
14 ago 2020
Pergunta sobre Inglês (EUA)
Do you see any grammatical errors?
That picture... While the flight attendant was helping the senior passenger, while I was waiting I kept looking at the cabin, too many buttons I thought. And the end of the flight the flight attendant ask me if I would like to take a picture of you in the cabin, I said really? Yes, the capitan noticed you kept looking while waiting hahaha I said sure !
Do you see any grammatical errors?
That picture... While the flight attendant was helping the senior passenger, while I was waiting I kept looking at the cabin, too many buttons I thought. And the end of the flight the flight attendant ask me if I would like to take a picture of you in the cabin, I said really? Yes, the capitan noticed you kept looking while waiting hahaha I said sure !
That picture... While the flight attendant was helping the senior passenger, while I was waiting I kept looking at the cabin, too many buttons I thought. And the end of the flight the flight attendant ask me if I would like to take a picture of you in the cabin, I said really? Yes, the capitan noticed you kept looking while waiting hahaha I said sure !
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- Inglês (EUA) Quase Fluente
That picture... While the flight attendant was helping the senior passenger, while I was waiting I kept looking at the cabin, too many buttons, I thought. And the end of the flight attendant ask me if I would like to take a picture of you in the cabin, I said really? Yes, the captain noticed you kept looking while waiting haha, I said sure !
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Thanks but is if correct the at the end of the flight attendant? Part
- Inglês (EUA)
"That picture..." isn't a complete sentence. If you're using it as a fragment as if your narrator is lost in thought or having a flashback, that could work.
You have two subordinating conjunctions in your first sentence. It's messy. Also, in the first sentence, "too many buttons I thought" sounds very unnatural. "And" typically isn't a good way to start a sentence. I think you meant "at." You should also put a comma after "end of the flight." Also, the flight attendant would want to take a picture of the narrator (the person speaking about this account), not "picture of you." It would be better to say "picture of myself in the cabin."
Also, punctuation practically never gets a space after a letter. So "I said sure!" would definitely be correct.
Here's your paragraph in a grammatically pleasing way:
That picture... While the flight attendant was helping the senior citizen, I kept looking at the cabin. There were so many buttons.
(Indent for a new paragraph since you're introducing a new idea.) At the end of the flight, the flight attendant asked me if I would like to take a picture of myself in the cabin.
(Indent) I said, "Really?"
(Indent) "Yes, the captain noticed you kept looking inside while you were waiting. Hahaha."
(Indent) I said, "Sure!"
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@Canyon9 Gracias!!
Does this paragraph sound better ?
That picture... while the flight attendant was helping the senior passenger. I kept looking at the cabin, too many buttons, I thought, and it’s only an Embraer 175 little plane just imagine a 737 or 777!!! And the end of the flight, she asked me if I would like to take a picture of myself in the cabin. I said, really? Yes, the captain noticed you kept looking inside while you were waiting. Haha. I was a bit embarrassed, but I said, yes sure!!
- Inglês (EUA)
@Lauramib This one sounds a little better, but it has issues of its own too.
"While the flight attendant was helping the senior passenger." is not a complete sentence. It's a fragment. If you took out the word "while," it would create a full sentence.
I kept looking at the cabin. "Too many buttons," I thought, "and it's only an Embraer 175. Just imagine a 737 or a 777!"
(Indent) At the end of the flight, she asked me if I would like to take a picture of myself in the cabin.
(Indent) I said, "Really?"
(Indent) "Yes, the captain noticed you kept looking inside while you were waiting." She laughed.
(Indent) I was a bit embarrassed, but I agreed.
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