Please correct this paragraph I have written: Thanks!

Upon having read your article “Is American culture ‘American’”, published in “Global Issues” in February 2006 I want to share my thoughts concerning the topic.

From my point of view, some certain domination of global culture is a vital pillar for constant international innovation in art and technology. As the majority of cultural conventions and aestheticism comes from rather ancient folkways, it is important to create new culture. On the other hand it is absolutely essential not to overdo this as individual cultures might get lost. As long this domination is within certain parts, I think mould-breaking innovations could come into being.

Question

Please correct this paragraph I have written: Thanks!



Upon having read your article “Is American culture ‘American’”, published in “Global Issues” in February 2006  I want to share my thoughts concerning the topic. 

From my point of view, some certain domination of global culture is a vital pillar for constant international innovation in art and technology. As the majority of cultural conventions and aestheticism comes from rather ancient folkways, it is important to create new culture. On the other hand it is absolutely essential not to overdo this as individual cultures might get lost. As long this domination is within certain parts, I think mould-breaking innovations could come into being.

YogiMT6 · Answer

Only a very small mistake, you said: "As long". All you need is another "as"... "As long as..."

Aber es ist wirklich gut, gut gemacht!

SCLCJ · Answer

@ninayukio

Upon having read your article “Is American culture ‘American’”, published [by] “Global Issues” in February 2006[;] I want to share my thoughts concerning the topic.

From my point of view, certain domination of global culture is a vital pillar for constant international innovation in art and technology. [T]he majority of cultural conventions and aestheticism comes from rather ancient folkways, [so] it is important to create new culture. On the other hand[,] it is absolutely essential not to overdo this as individual cultures might get lost. As long [as the] domination is [limited to specific] parts, I think mould-breaking innovations could come into being.

Side notes:

Having "some" in the first sentence isn't necessary and sounds like a mouthful.

I changed the second sentence from "As the" to "The" because it is best to avoid having connectives (as/and/but) at the start of your sentences to the best of your ability. Due to taking out "as" I added "so" to have the sentence make sense.

"On the other hand" should always be followed with a comma.

Having the phrase "As long as" makes having the word "As" at the start of the sentence sound better and more acceptable.

I changed that last bit to "limited to specific" in order to help you avoid using the word "certain" again.

Anything I corrected or changed I put in "[ ]".

Hope this helps. : )

Only a very small mistake, you said: "As long". All you need is another "as"... "As long as..."Aber es ist wirklich gut, gut gemacht!

Pergunte a falantes nativos gratuitamente

Only a very small mistake, you said: "As long". All you need is another "as"... "As long as..."

Aber es ist wirklich gut, gut gemacht!