have i written the text correctly?

hello Max,

Sorry for my delayed response. It's because I was very busy with my internship hier in Japan and besides I am looking for a new accommodation ( my current accommodation is at my aunt's house ). I wish to live in a bigger accomodation and at a japanese host family , where I often can practice the language japanese. Unfortunately these accommodation in the small town where the company is, are either taken or so expensive. That means that I will still have to cope with the cries of my little twins cousins all the nights.

About your question, I will help you to open a checking account with pleasure if it is in Tokio because I won't sadly have time to accompany you to go to another city. Please be persistend on all what you want to achieve and you should never think you will fall through on it. A huge hug from me.

Question

have i written the text correctly?

hello Max,

Sorry for my delayed response. It's because I was very busy with my internship hier in Japan and besides I am looking for a new accommodation ( my current accommodation is at my aunt's house ). I wish to live in a bigger accomodation and at a japanese host family , where I often can practice the language japanese. Unfortunately these accommodation in the small town where the company is,  are either taken or so expensive. That means that I will still have to cope with the cries of my little twins cousins all the nights.

About your question, I will help you to open a checking account with pleasure if it is in Tokio because I won't sadly have time to accompany you to go to another city. Please be persistend on all what you want to achieve and you should never think you will fall through on it. A huge hug from me.

vonkau · Answer

hello Max,

Sorry for my delayed response. THE REASON I'M REPLYING LATE IS because I was very busy with my internship HERE in Japan and, besides, I am looking for a new accommodation ( my current accommodation is at my aunt's house ). I wish I COULD live in a bigger accomodation and WITH a japanese host family , where I often could PRACTISE the JAPANESE LANGUAGE. Unfortunately, these accommodationS in the small town where the company is are either taken or TOO expensive. That means that I will still have to cope with the cries of my little twins cousins all  nights.

About your question, I will help you to open a checking account with pleasure if it is in Tokio because I won't sadly have time to accompany you to another city. Please be persistenT on all what you want to achieve and you should never think you will fall through. A huge hug from me.

TurtleBlossom · Answer

hello Max,

Sorry for my delayed response. It's because I was very busy with my internship HERE in Japan and besides I am looking for new accommodation ( my current accommodation is at my aunt's house ). I WOULD LIKE to live in bigger accomodation and at a japanese host family , where I often can practice the JAPANESE LANGUAGE. Unfortunately THE accommodation in the small town where the company is,  are either taken or TOO expensive. That means that I will still have to cope with the cries of my little twin cousins all night.

About your question, I will help you to open a checking account with pleasure if it is in TOKYO. UNFORTUNATELY I DONT have THE time to accompany you to go to another city. Please PERSEVERE WITH EVERYTHING you want to achieve and never think you will FAIL TO ACHIEVE it. A huge hug from me.

julesew · Answer

Sorry for my delayed response. It's because I was very busy with my internship here in Japan and besides I am looking for new accommodation ( i’m currently staying with my aunt).  I would like to live in a bigger place and with a Japanese host family, where I can also practice the language. Unfortunately the housing options in the small town where the company is,  are either taken or so expensive. That means that I will still have to cope with the cries of my little twins cousins for the meantime.  

About your question, I will help you to open a checking account with pleasure if it is in Tokyo because I won't sadly have time to accompany you to another city. Please be persistent with what you want to achieve and don’t lose heart. A huge hug from me.

accommodation - Don’t use the same word repeatedly in a sentence - I have given you an alternative
Wish - too formal - use ‘would like’
You don’t need to repeat Japanese - it’s implied from the context

I suggest you use this phrase ‘Don’t lose heart’ - no te desanimes

Well done - it’s fine but I think my suggestions make it sound more fluent

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