Hello! I wanted to translate and adapt this song, so I'd like you to tell me what you think.

(Tell me any mistake with total confidence)

さよならの言葉さえ言えなかったの

I could not even say to you the words of "goodbye"

白雪姫みたいな心しかない私

It's just that I have this heart similar to that of Snow White.

遠く去って行く人に涙だけが

ひとしずくひとしずく飛んで行くの

I can not do more than cry tear by tear for the person who is far away.

あの人にさよなら言わなかったの

さよならはお別れのことばだから

I did not say goodbye to that person, because "Goodbye" is a word that implies saying goodbye.

あなたの姿あなたの声は

いつまでも私の想い出に

Your appearance and your voice will always be recorded in my memories.

一人だけ歩いてったあの人は

白雪姫みたいな愛を知ってるかしら

Maybe that person who walked alone knows about loves like those of Snow White

水色にのこされた影を追って

なぜかしら夢の中飛んでいるの

I can see you inside my dreams, flying in some way and leaving a stele of lightblue color that disappears little by little.

あの人にさよなら言わなかったの

さよならはお別れのことばだから

I did not say goodbye to that person, because "Goodbye" is a word that implies saying goodbye.

あなたの姿あなたの声は

いつまでも私の想い出に

Your appearance and your voice will always be recorded in my memories.

あなたの姿あなたの声は

いつまでも私の想い出に

Your appearance and your voice will always be recorded in my memories.

Question

Hello! I wanted to translate and adapt this song, so I'd like you to tell me what you think.

(Tell me any mistake with total confidence)



さよならの言葉さえ 言えなかったの

I could not even say to you the words of "goodbye"

白雪姫みたいな心しかない私

It's just that I have this heart similar to that of Snow White.


遠く去って行く人に 涙だけが

ひとしずく ひとしずく 飛んで行くの

I can not do more than cry tear by tear for the person who is far away.


あの人にさよなら 言わなかったの

さよならは お別れのことばだから

I did not say goodbye to that person, because "Goodbye" is a word that implies saying goodbye.

あなたの姿 あなたの声は

いつまでも 私の想い出に

Your appearance and your voice will always be recorded in my memories.

一人だけ歩いてった あの人は

白雪姫みたいな愛を知ってるかしら

Maybe that person who walked alone knows about loves like those of Snow White

水色にのこされた 影を追って

なぜかしら 夢の中 飛んでいるの

I can see you inside my dreams, flying in some way and leaving a stele of lightblue color that disappears little by little.

あの人にさよなら 言わなかったの

さよならは お別れのことばだから

I did not say goodbye to that person, because "Goodbye" is a word that implies saying goodbye.

あなたの姿 あなたの声は

いつまでも 私の想い出に

Your appearance and your voice will always be recorded in my memories.

あなたの姿 あなたの声は

いつまでも 私の想い出に

Your appearance and your voice will always be recorded in my memories.

hamhamstar · Answer

The poetry translated with your sensitivity is very nice.😊✨
So I want to point out where I'm just concerned.🙇

「あのひと→That person」の訳について：
In this case I think that it is better to express it by ”he / she”.
例）
あの人にさよなら 言わなかったのさよならは お別れのことばだから
Because of "Goodbye" is parting word, I didn't say goodbye to him.

「姿→appearance」の訳について
This is not a literal meaning, so I think that "You / Your presence" is better to saying.
例）
あなたの姿 あなたの声はいつまでも 私の想い出に
Your presence and your voice will forever be in my heart.

hamhamstar · Answer

@Kaede_shio 
In this case "なぜかしら" means "なぜかわからないけれど(I do not know why)".

So, I think in a literal translation, "I do not know why, but I am flying in my dream while following the sky blue shadow.

However, a poem is free, I think that everyone can translate freely with their own sensitivity.😊✨🌈

hamhamstar · Answer

@Kaede_shio De nada😊✨

@Kaede_shio De nada😊✨

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